I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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