I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
