btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
a search helicopter?!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
