i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
