Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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