I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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