just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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