i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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