pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
