Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
