Got a toothbrush?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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