I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
