he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
