I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
