He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
