i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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