I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
