I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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