i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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