I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
