yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
