Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
