i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
