I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
