Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
