went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
