I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
