Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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