Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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