sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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