you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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