you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Success! We fucked roommates!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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