Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just gift wrapped bread.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
