True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
