woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
