need another drink. this is the easiest way
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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