and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
