i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
