You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
