Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
