I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
In America we eat man semen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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