when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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