I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
