i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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