She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
