But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
