Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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