Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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