Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
