i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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