my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we're so committed to being not committed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
