I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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