Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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