you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
