It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
